Grief and Failure

I got the horrible news on Monday that a friend of mine’s son had died.  This was terrible.  It put me into a weird thought process and made me do some deep diving on me and my failures.  The first was how terrible I felt.  I was afraid to call my friend. What do I say?  I always want to help and make people feel better. What do you say to someone who just had a child die?  I felt so ashamed that I could not call.

Amber and I went to the visitation the next day.  The avalanche of grief that fell on me when I looked at the child’s body was terrible.  Again, what do I say?  Another thought occurred to me as well. One of Amber’s friends had lost a child a little over a year ago and I made excuses to not go to the funeral with her. Part of it was again that I was afraid to go.  How do I fit in there?  What do I say to people?  These were all just excuses. I felt so terrible at having failed Amber in this way.  I apologized to her for doing so. I am very lucky to have such an amazing wife.

I am grateful for Nora.

I am grateful for Hailey.

I am grateful for Amber.

I am grateful for Jack.

I am grateful for Isla.

I am grateful for Emily.

I am grateful for RJ.

I am grateful for being so lucky to have these amazing children in my life.

I am grateful for having friends who I know will always be there.

I am grateful for looking at my failures and looking for what they really mean.

I love my life. Thank you!

~Ryan Lynch