I am planning on getting rid of Myspace, simply because I never use it anymore. But before I did I wanted to move over old blog posts that I had there and keep them somewhere that I would be able to get to them again. So I will start the moving over process today with my very first blog from Myspace:
My Thoughts (written March 28th, 2006)
Current mood: indescribable
Category: Religion and Philosophy
I guess I just felt like I should give people that visit my sight something to do since I seem to come on here and just look for who I can find. I thought that I would just start talking and see if anyone liked it. 🙂 Since as far back as I can remember I loved to think. I loved to contemplate if it was possible to deceive someone into believing they were moving their entire life when they really were just in the same area always. I liked to think about possible future conversations that I could have with people. (I figured out later that this is how I learned to argue with myself and truly question what I believe.)
When I went to college I stumbled into a philosophy class my very first semester. I thought I wanted to go into economics and there was a joint philosophy/econ class that sounded interesting. From then on I was hooked. At first I thought I had to pick and choose my beliefs. Then I thought that it was rediculous to follow only a few philosophers because their metaphysics were supposed to be all encompassing. How could these overlap? And if you can’t choose many, how were you supposed to completely agree with someone else in every single way?
One day I was walking along and I was processing a thought about (I’m not sure if this was the first time this happened, but it works) good and bad. And I thought about all of the people out there that I completely disagree with at the very core of my being. I thought to myself that they were just complete idiots. How could they not see it the way that I did? Then I just sort of stopped. How many of these people thought the exact same thing about me? That’s not what got to me though. What got me was that I could not come up with one single reason for why I was more right than them. The only reason that I think that something is bad is because through my experiences I have assigned bad to it. But bad is simply a feeling inside me that I label when I look at something.
When you are a small kid you want to put your hand up to the fire to touch it because it looks so beautiful and graceful. You have no experience that fire is bad. So you put your hand in it and get burned. Now you have an experience so that the next time you see fire you get the “bad” feeling.
So if nothing is really bad or good, I should take my judgements less seriously. I should question why I have the judgements that I do. Is this judgement really the way that I feel? Or is it something that I was told to see as bad? Or is it something that I’ve never thought about and so just fear because of the unknown? Or do I really think it is bad?
Once I started questioning my own core beliefs I found that some of them held up and some of them fell down. It was really hard sometimes, it still can be. I found that I was more confident in myself. I found that I was, in everyday life, happier. I slowly started to question my decisions less and less. I felt that I had thought enough about my decisions before I made them that I did not have to agonize about them afterwards. With less dwelling on the past I could think more about my future decisions. Eventually I started to plan.
Life is amazing. You can do anything you want with it. Once you realize that it is all up to you, and how wonderful that is, you can just go out and play.